Currently Watching Gone in 60 Seconds By Marion Busia, Edward Abrahms, Christopher J.C. Agajanian, Gary Bettenhausen, Edward Booker, Wally Burr, Michael Cole (II), Mark Cole (IV), George Cole (VI), Jerry Daugirda, Jonathan E. Fricke, Ronald Halicki, Parnelli Jones, Markos Kotsikos, James McIntyre, Don Simmons (IV), Butch Stockton, Jack Vacek, Phil Woods (III) see related

how do i describe how i feel...?

WOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

HOOOOOO!!!!!

Things are better than I would have ever imagined....

and its all thanks to a guy I met who blows Justin out of the water. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason now... Everyday I thank God for bringing him to me, he relieves all my depression and anxiety and stress. Because those things dont exist with him, so they seem to have dissapeared from my world too.. He doesnt drink, or smoke, and hes never touched drugs. How amazing is that? And thats just what he is, AMAZING. Hes so fun and out going, just like me, and full of life and he really has to be one of the coolest guys I've ever chilled with. And I really mean that. He doesnt fill my head with bullshit like other guys. For instance, he would never tell me 'yes, I promise____(fill in the blank with anything you want!) unless he really ment it. He would never make a promise he didnt intend to keep. And he hasnt promised me anything yet, which I like very much... And the night I met him (which, he walked up to me and started talkin to me...by the way..!) the first thing that came to my mind was, 'wow, this guy can not be comming to talk to me.' He is the most gorgeous guy I've ever talked to, with the bluest, most penetrating eyes I've ever had the honor to look into. I really just get lost in them sometimes. And then when he asks me what Im smiling at, I just say, 'you..' and he smiles at me. And hes not like all the rest. He doesnt want what most guys do. All he wants is respect, and love, and kindness and a good life. If I could have built my 'perfect' guy, I swear it would be him. Im so excited to see where this could go. Things are starting off slow, and I really like that too.. This could be the end of all my worries, PLEASE GOD LET IT BE THE END!!!!!!!!

Im so glad school is back in session. Im glad to be back in the swing of things.

1 day down, how many left to go?!?!?

<3

guess what....?!

Justin came back to me. Out of the blue, he texted me sunday, and instantly that smile came back. Yall remember, the HUGE grin that would come over my face when he would call. Everyone used to know when it was him calling before I even told them. So, is the old saying true, 'if you love something, you gotta let it go, and if it comes back, its yours.' ? I kinda think it might be. But just incase its not, Im not getting to attached right off. Im just kinda playing it cool. He has really changed a lot. He calls me all the time and asks what we are gona do that night (which he NEVER used to do. I used to have to beg to get him to hang out with me..) and calls just to say hey. Which I love. He even wants to try to college now. And he says that if we make it that long (WOW! I HOPE SO!!!)  that he'll go to Laffy so we can be together. I dont care what yall think, that is commitment. Those are the words of a guy who really wants to be with me. He told me that he realized how bad he screwed up by letting go of the only good thing in his life, which was me. He does all the things a person who cares about someone would. Its great. I just hope it lasts as long as he says it will.

Whoever has been praying for me, thanks so much. Its really helped. I've been looking at things differently, even things I see everyday. Keep up the prayers...

School starts in like 3 weeks, and Im so excited. Its my last year! Then its on to college, and nursing school, and new people and a new town. Gosh thats gona be great. Im so excited about nursing school. I cant wait to learn about what the rest of my life is gona be like.

See yall in the funny papers!

Leave some love..

<3 Lizzie

when your long day is over, I know what you need, bring it all home to me...

I think that Im headed in the correct direction, I did it all on my own, and for the first time in my life...

The sky seems to be a little bluer, no matter how hard the rain is falling...Thats how I know things are better.

Hopefully, I'll be at the beach at the end of this month..I need a vacation so bad! I just want to relax on the beach, listening to the waves, other kids laughing and playing in the water and sand, getting a tan, watching cute boys walk by, going out at night and dancing and then unwinding it all by walking along the shore line...thats what its all about. It makes you feel like part of something. I would also really like to scuba dive where ever we go..that might be hard though..         

< Us, but minus the fat chick..haha!

my biggest dream in life is to go to Tahiti..some of the worlds best scuba diving, and most beautiful sights..

 

            

 

     <<<<^^^ WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME IN TAHITI?!?!?!?!?!

 

Are things getting better..or am I getting used to pain...?

I wish I could describe what its like to..

Lose a friend, then lose contact with the 1st group of friends I had in high school, then to find a guy that makes everything better just by looking in his eyes, then to lose another friend, this one MUCH closer than the other.(I miss and love you, Ben..) , then I lost him. I lost the one person who took everything away, He made me breathe easier.. Then for everything to go down hill, so far that I let myself go, I stopped caring, stopped forgiving, stopped trying, stopped everything. Then I lost contact with the three people that ment more to me than anything, and I'd still do anything for them.I lost so much in one school year. Its horrible. 4 years of being her best friend havent left my mind, through everything, all the good and bad, and all the stuff I've been through. It just seems like everything went wrong at the same time. Sometimes I would wonder what it would be like to not have any drama, not have any troubles, no nothing, just happiness. Like it is when I was a kid. Then, people I used to be close with started to hate me, for no reason at all. Or at least, if theres a reason, I dont know it. They made me want to hit rock bottom. Sometimes I sit and wonder how bad they would feel, and/or how they would react if I ever killed myself, or if something really bad were to happen to me. Because I cant lie anymore, I had many thoughts of killing myself. I would sit and wonder, 'whats the point, why stay here when Im so miserable?!'  And their torture only made it worse. That one girl makes everything nothing now, nothing is fun anymore. I wonder how the poeple who say, "I hate her, shes sucha bitch", knowing its not true, I wonder how those people would feel. They should think about that before they start to hate someone, especially for no reason at all.

At this point of the story, some people would say you have to pick and choose what you let get to you, but anyone who has either been where I am now, or who just plain understands, knows that it doesnt work like that..

Then last night came. And Thank you God for last night. Its weird that I am thanking God for last night when it was 06.06.06. But I am. And I will for a long time. Last night was the first night that I got to spend with Clay in a long time. I was with him from 7 until 12:40 or later. Evan, Clay, and I went and saw the Omen (which was HORRIBLE. I would not reccomend it to anyone, it was so stupid and pointless, not scary at all..just nasty..) then we rode to Chandlers house, then from there, a ride in the car, and then to Cotton's house, where a bunch of people ended up,kinda like a mini party- but in between all that, there was Clay. Its weird, I never could have imagined that he could be the one who would change me, or make me realize. But I guess its the ones you would never expect to help you that do. I know this is starting to sound like I like him, but I really dont. I just think I could learn from him, and that I was susposed to meet him. Like God wanted me too so I would stop and think about what Im doing before I do it. And I did, and I will continue to. For the 1st time in MONTHS, I accually stopped and though about what I was fixing to do, or say. Its like, by spending time with him, I care again. The want, and the hunger for life has come back. The urge to make the most of everyday has come back, I dont want to sit around anymore. I want to get up and be someone again. He asked me questions that I ask myself. Questions that I should have the answers to, and questions that shouldnt be questions..He makes me want to find those answers. He has so much energy, and its all so positive. Clay was the 1st guy to pay attention to me in forever. And he didnt just talk to me, he accually enjoyed our conversations, and took them to heart. And listening to him talk, about life and where he wants to go. It made me go absoulely nuts. Its like I want to scream, 'why havent we been best friends our whole lives?!' Without knowing it, he makes me want to be a better person. I've said all this. and have no idea why.He has to leave Tuesday to go back, and theres a chance I could never see him again. DOESNT THAT JUST SUCK? Im back to my old self again, lets have a welcome back party..and one last sentence..

I do hereby credit Clay Burns with doing what no medicine or doctor could do: CUREING  MY DEPRESSION.

thanks,Clay, Im forever grateful...I can eat again, and this time, without feeling so sick..

Im so glad I held on..

love yall..thanks for sticking by my side..